First Rate Villain!
by redconvoy
Summary: Bakura does not like the filler arc villain Dartz, so he, Ryou, Malik, and Mariku take a road trip to Florida to prove who is First Rate!  After all, Bakura is and always will be Atemu's nemesis if he could help it!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. If you have no sense of humor, this is not for you. If you hate Shonen-ai, this is definitely not for you.

FIRST RATE VILLAIN!

PROLOGUE

He was tired of being left behind! He was tired of being treated as some second rate villain! He was not second rate! He was first over that psycho Mariku and he would prove it by eliminating the current competition, that idiotic character that was not even part of the series, DARTZ! Blue hair, androgynous and fair skinned, the Atlantian without a cause made the Thief King sick to his stomach! Now Yugi and his group of stupid cheerleaders went overseas to Florida to seek out the lost continent of Atlantis and save the world or some crap like that! Bakura would find them and end this stupid story line once and for all! HAH!

"Okay Bakura! What are you up to now!" The door to their darkened apartment opened revealing a white haired, brown eyed, fair skinned, androgynous looking Japanese male standing there with a suspicious look on his face. "I know that look! I know you're up to something!"

Bakura, the elder of the two, only let the white of his teeth show as his eyes lit up with the scheme in mind. Of course his other half would benefit from the "little vacation to Florida" he had dreamed up. He would have to call Marik and confirm the plans. Oh the havoc they would wreak in America! It would be beautiful!

"How would you like to take a vacation to Florida oh better half of mine?" He asked as Ryo quirked an eye brow.

"You're complimenting me! Now I'm scared! What do you want! How much is this going to cost me?" The white haired male demanded.

"Can't I do anything nice for you without a motive behind it?" The former Tomb Robber asked innocently.

"Let me think! NO!" Ryo shouted back as Bakura almost fell back from the shock. "You're always up to something no good and it usually involves you, the Sennen Items and the spirit of the Pharaoh that resides within Yugi's Sennen Puzzle! They just left to go to Florida and of course they didn't invite me! I mean, am I that much of a horrible person that no one would want me around? I know I don't do anything bad! No! It's YOU! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ME!" Ryo kept jabbing his finger in the Tomb Robber's chest, causing him to back away.

"Um, Ryo, did you take your medication today? You know, the Prozac?" Bakura backed into the wall as the white haired teen cornered him. "Please don't kill me!"

"OH! You're worried about me hurting you? DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE THE REASON I'M ON THAT MEDICATION! MY PARENTS WON'T TALK TO ME! I HAVE NO FRIENDS! NOT EVEN MY PSYCHIATRIST WILL TALK TO ME!" He yelled becoming red. "Now tell me Bakura…" Ryo stated calmly. "…what are you up to."

"Okay! You see, the reason those idiots left for Florida is because there is some evil off the coast of the United States. Some writers made up a plot because the original writer of this series is still writing the Memories Saga. So the television writers made a story of some angst ridden Atlantian King wanting to rid the world of humanity because humanity is evil and destroying the planet." Bakura started. "He has three angst ridden biker guys doing his dirty work because he brainwashed them."

"That plot is so overused and stupid! I want no part of it!" Ryo said as he turned his back on the insane man and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh come on, bunny! It will be fun! Besides, you need a tan badly and a real life!" Bakura shot back.

"I'm ready for my psychotic episode!" Ryo sneered as he turned on his other half.

"I mean, you deserve a nice vacation away from Japan! Yes, good ol' Japan!" The Tomb Robber stated.

Bakura wondered if Ryo went insane after Mariku blasted him with the Sun Dragon Ra in the last match on the Battle Blimp. Bakura was the one who took the hit, so what happened to his "landlord"?

"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET SNUGGLES FROM! I THOUGHT YOU SENT THAT THING AWAY!" Marik shouted at the insane Mariku. "And for that matter, what the hell are you doing back here! I sent you away also!"

"I missed you! Snuggles missed you! I missed you!" Mariku looked up at his original character with big doe eyes.

"You said "I missed you" already twice!" The dark skinned, light haired Egyptian male teen stated.

"I had to emphasize the point!" The crazy psycho Egyptian spirit pointed out. "I felt a disturbance in the Force, so I had to come back and see what it was!"

"This isn't a Star Wars parody, you idiot!" Marik shouted.

"I WANNA BE DARTH MAUL!" Mariku whined as he squeezed the brown bear with a red bow tie against his chest.

The insanity was interrupted by Marik's cell phone ringing. Mariku kept on crying as the Egyptian teen walked away from said annoyance.

"Hello." Marik answered as he heard breathing on the other end. "Hello!" He demanded this time. "Look, if this is a prank call, I am going to so find out where you live and kick your ass so far into next year, you'll have a hell of time finding your way back!"

"Shut up! You have no sense of humor, you know that!" Bakura answered him. "I need your help with something!"

"Bakura! You need my help? Do you know what I have to deal with here! I have the psychopath and his bear back! What could I possibly help you with!" Marik demanded.

"How about revenge on the pharaoh and his midget boy toy!" The former Tomb Robber offered.

"How about you stop putting disturbing thoughts in my head!" The Egyptian teen answered.

"Too late, you're already disturbed!" Bakura said laughing on the other end.

"Is Ryo there?" Marik asked thinking up a plan to get Bakura off his back.

"Of course! RYOOOOOOO!" The Tomb Robber shouted.

A few seconds later, Ryo answered the phone wondering who on Earth could be on the other end.

"Hello?" The white haired teen asked.

"Hey Ryo! Bakura ate all of your cream puffs!" Marik said as a malicious grin spread across his face.

"He WHAT!" Ryo shouted as he dropped the phone. "BAKURA! YOU ARE SO DEAD!"

Marik closed the phone with a satisfied grin on his face. That would be the last time Bakura would ask him for any favors.

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: None of this is mine! If you are a serious fan, have no sense of humor or are too concerned about being "politically correct"(get a life), then this is definitely not something for you. If you have a sense of humor, then read on!

Rating: NC-17

ONE

Reading the script was giving one Yugi Mutou a headache. If he was going to stay in America, he was going to go to Las Vegas so he could and his other half could get rich at the Casino's!

/The script is lame! I mean, they have me paired with Anzu and you with a ten year old! Isn't that illegal? / Atem asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

/Of course, but what do they care! I knew Anzu was lying to me about her feelings for me! Look! Her name is on the script as one of the writers! This is her doing! / Yugi stated pointing to the credits on the cover of the thick book.

/So it seems! I am in almost every scene with her! Oh and turn the pages! / The former pharaoh said as the teen did just that. /She practically has me fight you after you lose your soul to some stupid pointless thing called the Oricalcos! This damn script reads like a video game..no wait…Like Yugioh R! Keep on fighting with a pointless plot until you get to the boss level! Let's ditch the crew and go that Las Vegas you were talking about! We could double team a REAL woman and get rich! /

/Ummm…other me, I don't think I'm ready for that yet…/ Yugi pointed out.

/Okay! Then let's tell the two only current women in our lives who act like they were the only choices we have that we're coming out of the closet! Let's see how they react to that! / The former pharaoh smirked as Yugi felt the lump in his throat constrict his breathing.

/Well, at least Bakura and Marik won't be around to hear it. / The teen sighed. /They would never let us live that down. /

/This is so totally different from the original manga! I mean, Anzu doesn't even know who she really loves and she's pulling this in order to make up her mind! / Atem sighed. /I have a great idea! Why don't we get the 4Kids universe versions of us and send them here and we'll go to Las Vegas without them ever knowing! /

"NO! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Yugi shouted as a knock on the door to their room was heard. "Crap."

/Say it a little louder, partner, I don't think the next city heard you. / The former pharaoh smirked as Yugi stuck his tongue out at him. /Don't stick that thing out unless you intend to use it! / He waggled his eye brows.

/Pervert. / Yugi answered as he walked toward the door only to open it to Anzu on the other side. "Hi Anzu."

"Are you guys ready? Everyone else is waiting for you." She stated.

"I need to use a phone to make an interdimensional…I mean…international phone call." Yugi said.

"Why would you need to do that?" She asked.

"I'm worried about grandpa! I want to make sure he's okay." The teen answered quickly in order to not arouse suspicion.

"Okay, but make it quick! Everyone is waiting and I can't wait to make my debut as a script writer!" She smiled as she quickly ran away.

/This will be her first and last debut as a screenwriter! / Atem growled. /I'll take over from here, partner. /

/Okay! / Yugi agreed as they switched places.

Atem used the power of the Puzzle to transport him to the 4Kids universe. There, he found himself in the middle of a too clean duel between Mariku and his other dark self. The fight automatically stopped as two equally enlarged eyes noticed the leather clad form of Atem standing between them.

"I remember this! How come you guys are stopping? Please continue! I know the outcome anyway!" He smirked, his voice sounding different from his different universe counterpart.

"Who are you and what are you doing here!" Yami demanded as Atem turned toward him.

"Who shot you up on hormones! You sound like you're forty!" The former pharaoh walked toward him. "I'm the better version of you, you idiot! I need you and your other half that's hanging up there to go to my universe to act out another lame arc made by the studious so Yugi and I could go gambling in Las Vegas!"

"Why the hell would I do that for you!" Yami demanded.

"Either you do that, or I will go Hell Raiser on everyone out of sheer insanity!" Atem grinned insanely. "You don't want to see your friends dead do you?"

"You would kill our friends because you don't want to act out a script?" The other asked incredulously.

"If you read the script, you'd either kill yourself or everyone else around you!" Atem answered. "So are you game?"

"Of course! I would never let anyone, including you, hurt our friends!" Yami spat as the former pharaoh rolled his eyes.

"Whatever!" The former pharaoh stated as he snapped his hands and Yugi was freed from the shadow restraints.

"HEY! WHAT ABOUT OUR DUEL!" Mariku demanded.

"Aw shut up! You should just surrender now, loser! You lost!" Atem shot at him as he opened the portal to his universe. "Coming?" He motioned for Yami to follow.

"HEY! YOU CAN'T LEAVE! YOU CAN'T WALK OUT ON A DUEL!" Seto shouted at the three. "YOU WILL NOT MAKE A MOCKERY OF THIS TOURNAMENT!"

"It was already a mockery when you started it!" Atem shot back as the three stepped through the portal.

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. That should cover it.

Rated: NC-17

TWO

"I said I wanted a fucking Ford Mustang! Why the hell can't I get a Mustang!" Bakura demanded at the counter of Rent-a-Prize.

"I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any Mustangs." The man at the counter begin to cower from the seething Tomb Robber.

"What the hell do you rent here!" Bakura demanded as he slammed his fist down on the counter making everyone in the room jump.

"Um Ford Escorts, Kia Rio's, all small economy cars." The man said in a small shaky voice.

"You rent nothing but shit?" The Tomb Robber demanded. "I don't fucking believe this! How the hell am I supposed to go chasing after some psychotic lunatic in a fucking economy car!" He shouted as he turned his back on the man, raking a hand through his wild white hair.

"Snuggles has an idea." Mariku said as he held up the bear in question.

"It's a fucking stuffed animal! What could it possibly say to you!" Bakura demanded as Ryo walked in with a big box of cream puffs.

"Come closer! It's a secret!" The psychotic Egyptian answered as he motioned for the Tomb Robber to approach him.

"You better not lick my cheek like the last time!" Bakura growled as Mariku got closer to him.

"Snuggles says to steal a car!" Mariku whispered as a wide grin appeared on the Thief King's face.

"I like the bear already!" Bakura exclaimed as Ryo stopped eating in mid chew.

Swallowing the piece of pastry, Ryo wondered what the two could be up to. Whatever it was, it was not good for the rest of them.

"Bakura! What are you up to!" The white haired teen demanded. "I will take the Prozac! I swear I will and then I'll become homicidal and you'll be in trouble!"

"If I screw your brains out, will you still need it?" Bakura waggled his eyes brows as Ryo walked up to him and smacked him across the face. "OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!"

"After the story Truce at Bakura, I was put on this prescription after having to deal with the self-insertion flamer! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOUR SECURITY SUCKED!" The white haired teen pointed an accusing finger at his other. "IF I WANTED TO FEEL MY IQ POINTS DROP, I'D HANG OUT WITH REN AND STIMPY!"

"Come on bunny! I didn't know that would happen! Please stop taking the Prozac and come back to me as the Ryo-bunny I know and love!" Bakura pleaded.

"I refuse to be with you until you do something about that self-insertion flamer!" Ryo shouted at him, stamping his right foot on the ground.

"Bunny, you burnt him to a crisp with the Winged Dragon of Ra! I don't think I can do anything else!" The Tomb Robber pointed out.

"YOU CAN TOO! GET HIS SOUL AND SEND IT TO THE SHADOWS!" He shouted seething.

Everyone in the Rent-A-Prize store began to walk out of the outrageous scene. Bakura was the only one left to deal with his psychotic drugged up other half. Walking toward the wayward teen, he grabbed the duffle bag beside Ryo and then began to rummage through it. He finally found what he was looking for and then threw them in the trash.

"No more fucking Prozac for you!" Bakura growled as the door opened.

"Hey guys! I rented us a nice Hummer!" Marik waggled his eyes.

"What the hell kind of company calls their product a Hummer!" Bakura demanded.

"This one does and it's soooooooooo cool! Come on! We have people to run over!" Marik exclaimed as he walked out of the establishment.

"Shit! He's becoming like Mariku." The Tomb Robber muttered.

"I am so proud of Marik-Pretty! Even Snuggles is proud! He's beginning to understand me." Mariku's eyes were shining brightly.

"It would take a team of psychologists to figure you out!" Bakura walked past the psychotic Egyptian. "Nothing short of shock therapy could help you!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I LOVE SHOCK THERAPY!" Mariku exclaimed happily.

(MARIKU IS NOT FIRST RATE)

"So this is the deal, you are to take our place while me and Yugi go to Las Vegas to get rich!" Atem explained as Yami's expression became confused.

"What's in it for us?" Yami asked.

"You get to live! I'm feeling particularly generous today!" Atem sneered as he grabbed his other's hands. "See ya…suckers!"

Yami watched his doppelganger walk out with Yugi's duplicate. He had to admit that Yugi looked better than what was beside him. Looking down at the petite teen beside him, he looked at the wide amethyst confused eyes.

"Maybe we should find the others?" Yugi suggested.

"Great idea! Then we can tell them all about the Heart of the Cards!" The spirit exclaimed.

"Yeah! Great idea!" Yugi agreed as the two walked off.

Watch out!

(YAMI IS NOT FIRST RATE)

Jonouchi read over the script with the words "what the fuck!" on his mind. Anzu really needed a reality check and fast. Of course she left out Ryo. Poor Ryo! He hadn't seen the teen since the end of the last story. Anzu once said that she didn't want anyone looking prettier than her. She got annoyed when Atem was staring at the white haired teen way too much. Jonouchi knew Atem had a fetish for threesomes and those fetishes didn't include Anzu! Why had she included Otogi then? He was prettier than her!

Looking around, he noticed Seto trying to rip the script up without success. Cursing under his breath, the rich teen just threw the script across the room knocking out Honda in the process.

"I will not be part of that bullshit excuse of a script! If you want Atem, just fucking go after him and don't involve the rest of us in some cheesy ass wanna-be romance novel!" Seto shouted at Anzu.

"Come on Seto! Do this for me!" Anzu pleaded batting her eye lashes.

"Anzu, you do nothing for me. I'm outta here! Come on Mokuba!" The rich teen ordered as the child immediately obeyed.

"Bye losers!" Mokuba called back as they walked out.

"Did anyone get the license of that flying object?" Honda asked sitting up with one hand over the side of his head.

"Nope, but you got clobbered by Anzu's script courtesy of Seto Kaiba." Otogi pointed out.

The door slammed opened making everyone almost jump. Standing there were Yami and Yugi with a big bottle of soda between them. Jonouchi raised an eyebrow at them. Something was off.

"Uh, what's with the big entrance?" The blond asked.

"Big entrance? I didn't notice any big entrance!" Yami stated as he walked inside with Yugi trailing behind him like an obedient puppy. "So what's going on?"

"You know very well what's going on!" Jonouchi stated as Yugi picked up the booklet thrown by Kaiba a few minutes ago.

"No I don't Joey." Yami answered.

"The name is Jonouchi, Katsuya, not Joey, Joe or any rendition of that stupid name!" He pointed out. "I'm Japanese, remember? What did you guys do? Get drunk? Hit your heads? Take drugs?"

"Hey Yami, look at this!" Yugi pointed out as he shared the booklet with Yami. "This is what your duplicate was talking about! This is soooooooooooooooo cool!"

"You guys are definitely on drugs!" The blond growled as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"No! He's telling the truth. You see, this guy came into our universe that looks like me and he had a Yugi that looked better than what's here!" Yami started motioning toward the smaller.

"HEY! I'M CUTE!" Yugi shouted as Yami rolled his eyes.

"Whatever!" He sighed as he turned toward the others. "As I was saying, he interrupted my duel with Dark Mariku and demanded that me and Yugi follow him here. That is when he told us how much he hated this well written script. He told us to take their place while they go to Las Vegas and win lots of money."

"Well written my ass!" Jonouchi growled under his breath.

"What was in it for you?" Otogi asked.

"He said he wouldn't kill us." Yugi stated in a small voice as Jonouchi smacked his own forehead.

"Those little shits." He growled. 'They didn't even invite me! I am so going to kick Atem's ass when he gets back! That idiot!'

"Look at this! Tea has a scene with me and her linking arms! Awwww! I get to spend a lot of time with her." He said dreamily while Yugi glared daggers at him.

"I SAW HER FIRST!" The smaller shouted.

"She likes me better!" Yami stated in a smug tone.

"Um, it's Anzu." She corrected. "Oh Yugi, I really did like you, it's just that you're too much of a child." She explained softly.

"I AM NOT A CHILD!" He stomped his right foot.

"Yeah right! What do you call what you just did now?" Yami asked as Yugi blushed in embarrassment.

Jonouchi figured he would kick one of the pharaoh's asses and this one was going to be it. No matter which Yugi it was, a promise was a promise! If the pharaoh made Yugi feel inferior, he promised to kick his ass.

"Hey pharaoh! You know, in this universe I made Yugi a promise." He started as Yami raised a brow.

"What was that?" Yami asked.

"To kick your sorry pharaoh butt if you ever made Yugi feel inferior like you just did!" Jonouchi grinned insanely as the former pharaoh felt a lump clog his throat. "Let's see what a big man you are, big mouth!"

TBC…


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. If it were, I wouldn't be working for salary.

CHAPTER THREE

The sneaky pharaoh had all of this planned out. Yugi would not suspect a thing until the end. Of course, his plans included lots of wooing and convincing his partner that they belonged together. Oh, there was the extra side thing of gambling, but their automatic wins would bring them closer together. Oh Anzu would get the shock of her life when he came back arm in arm with her childhood best friend. What a blow it would be to her self-esteem not to mention her fantasies.

"This room only has one bed." Yugi broke the silence. "I guess I'll take the couch since I'm smaller."

"Oh no! I want you to have the bed. The couch is a pull out anyway." Atem insisted while on the inside he was screaming. "This was the only room available."

"Oh. Well I guess it will have to do." Yugi walked in more. "It's nice though."

"A room fit for a pharaoh and his escort." The former pharaoh stated proudly as the teen raised a suspicious brow at him. "Oh come on, partner! What do you think people will think of us?"

"They'll think we're twin brothers or something." Yugi dispelled Atem's fantasy with that nauseating thought.

"I'll pass on that thank you very much!" Atem walked away from the teen.

"You may want to pass on it, but that is what people will think!" Yugi insisted as he followed the former pharaoh into the huge closet. "Anyway, what will we say to our friends when we get back? I mean, they're going to wonder about our doubles."

"I think by now Jonouchi has. I am sure Anzu will be tickled with my doppelganger trying to win her over." Atem smirked as he hung up the many leather clothing and suits he had. "Then there is your duplicate that seems to be inferior to you. He looks too much like a little kid."

"I noticed that too and he talks funny. He sounds like a bad Disney character." The teen stated in his Japanese accent. "So what are we going to do next?"

'Screw you senseless.' Atem thought to himself, but instead said. "We're going to the casino to see if we can win some money. You and I work great together as a team. I am sure we could pull this off."

"I know we can. What are we going to do with all that money though?" Yugi asked.

"Put it away for now and then we'll think of what to do with it later." Atem answered as he walked out of the closet and faced his partner. "Want to eat first and I mean a real meal, not those artery clogging burgers you eat!"

"But I like them!" Yugi insisted.

"I know you do, but they are not good for you." Atem stated as he took a hold of his partner's hand. "Let's go check out the local restaurants."

Ryo was chewing on his sandwich at the diner the four of them stopped at. He was reading a large booklet. Bakura was fuming, really angry that his bunny was not paying any attention to him. Rather, he was reading some stupid script that Anzu wrote.

It was at that moment when Ryo read the last page that the white haired boy lost his mind. He took the script, slammed it down on the table and then threw the soda on top of it. He watched in smug satisfaction as the pages were totally ruined by the soda that was currently soaking into the badly written script.

"What was that for!" Marik demanded as Bakura raised brow in question.

"THAT BITCH!" Ryo roared as Mariku covered Snuggle's ears. "She didn't even put me in this! How could she do that to me! What is her problem anyway! Never mind! She always had a problem with me! She thinks that I'm prettier than her! I AM NOT PRETTY! I AM NOT A GIRL!"

"Strip down and prove it." Marik leered as Bakura reached across the table and smacked him in the head. "HEY!"

"The only stripping Ryo will be doing is for me!" The ex-Tomb Robber growled in warning.

"I mean really! Dueling to save the world? It reads like a badly written video game! Geeze! Whoever heard of Duel Monsters coming to life! She must really want the pharaoh or the Dark Magician! She makes Yugi disappear through ninety percent of the script with some ten year old lamenting for his return! That's so illegal!" Ryo crossed his arms over his chest.

"Who's the villain?" Bakura asked.

"Dartz." Ryo answered.

"Oh yeah! That's why we came to America! We have to show that fruit cake who's the real villain!" The former Tomb Robber smirked as Ryo slumped in his seat. "What?"

"Can't we sight see first? I want to see all the major cities before Dartz destroys them!" The white haired teen whined.

Marik leaned across the table motioning for Bakura to lean in closer. The Tomb Robber wondered what the Egyptian teen wanted.

"We could throw him in the Matrix and make it seem like he's going sight seeing." He stated.

"YOU IDIOT! THAT WAS A MOVIE!" Bakura shouted as he smacked Marik upside the head. "If you two idiots have any other ideas, keep it to yourselves!" He growled as Mariku stuck his tongue out at him.

"We could go see Los Angeles first, move northward to Seattle and then east to Chicago, New York City and then south to Atlanta and finally Miami where we will probably meet everyone else." Ryo stated as it was Bakura's turn to slump.

"I WANNA GO TO DISNEY WORLD!" Mariku cried. "Me and Snuggles wanna see Mickey Mouse!"

"Oh good God, grow up would you?" Bakura demanded as the Insane One's bottom lip kept trembling with those awful wide eyes tearing up like Bambi. "Oh stop it! You're not even cute enough to pull that off! Anyway, I want the glory of kicking Dart'z ass! I don't want the idiot Pharaoh to get all the glory!"

"You could team up." Ryo suggested as looked around for the waitress. "I need a new soda!"

"You shouldn't have spilled the one you had to begin with!" Bakura pointed out. "I could have just burned the damn thing!"

"Burning it was too good!" The white haired teen spat back. "IT SUCKED!"

"That's Anzu for you!" Marik stated. "I wonder if the pharaoh will fall for her."

"If they did, that would be a site to behold!" Bakura snorted as the waitress returned. "We need a new coke for my boy toy."

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!" Ryo demanded as he reached across the table and grabbed his other half by the collar of his shirt. "DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT!"

"Bunny! Calm down! I was joking!" Bakura laughed sheepishly. "Please don't hurt me!"

Yugi was plotting on how to get the pharaoh away from Anzu so he could get her attention. He would prove to his childhood friend that he was a man and not a boy! He just had to find a way to do it…

Oh yes, earlier that afternoon, he had found a chest hair and he would proudly display it to Anzu! He was a man all right! He would prove it to everyone!

"Oh Yugi darling! There you are!" A voice screeched as he felt something latch onto him. "I missed you Yugi Darling! Where have you been?"

"Rebecca! Hi!" He tried to squirm out of her tentacle like embrace. "How nice to see you again." He gritted out as the girl's grip got much tighter.

"How about we take in the sights Yugi Darling, so the pharaoh and Anzu could be alone!" She said as Yugi's eyes widened.

"Uh, no! I don't think so! I have something I have to do!" He wriggled out of her tight grasp. 'Like watch my other half woo Anzu!' He ran from the scary ten year old.

"Don't be too long my darling!" Rebecca shouted after him.

"Your eyes remind me of beautiful sapphires. Your skin is as light as the sun and your smile brightens my day." Yami stated as Anzu gazed at him dreamily across the table at a local restaurant.

"Oh Yugi, do you really mean it?" She asked as she felt his hand grasp hers.

"Of course I do. I wouldn't say it if I didn't love you so much." Yami smiled as he leaned across the table.

"YAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! REBECCA TRIED TO MOLEST ME AGAIN!" Yugi ran into the restaurant ruining the mood.

"Ask if I feel sorry for you." Yami growled as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Yugi, why are you here? Can't you see that I'm on a date with Anzu? You're killing the mood!"

'That's the idea!' The annoying teen grinned as he sat down on a seat between them. "But Yami, that little girl scares me!"

"So tell her to get lost and that you are too old for her! Now leave!" He demanded as Yugi stuck out his bottom lip with wide doe eyes. "No! Not now! Please don't start crying on me!"

"YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Yugi wailed as Anzu covered her ears. "You ignore me." He sniffed as his bottom lip trembled. "You think I'm annoying and you took my life away from meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! How do you think I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel!" He cried more.

"Oh good God, save us!" Yami whispered as he covered his face with his hands. "Yugi, just leave and we'll deal with your problems later. For the record, without me, you'd have no friends, so what life did you have to begin with?"

"You're !" Yugi wailed as most of the customers covered their ears.

"Come on lucky 7!" Atem shouted as the dice rolled a seven. "YES! I win again!"

"Atem, we could quit anytime you want. We have more money than we can spend and I think the security guards here are giving us funny looks!" Yugi leaned against his other, his arms entwined around the former pharaoh's right arm.

"Come on partner, one more and we'll call it a night!" Atem promised as he threw the dice again. "YES! ANOTHER SEVEN! I WIN YOU LOSERS!" He grabbed Yugi and hugged him. "We won partner! Now we can leave like I promised!"

"Good!" The teen stated as Atem quickly grabbed all his chips from the crying employee.

"Have a nice day! Hope this doesn't come out of your paycheck!" He walked off to the cashier. "I can't wait to put this all in an account and then we can move out of your grandfather's place. We could get a posh penthouse in Domino somewhere grander than Kaiba's mansion."

"Do you really want to do that?" Yugi asked.

"Of course I do. I have to show up Kaiba somehow!" He smirked as he placed all the chips on the counter. "I want the money as a check and I want it made out to Yugi Mutou."

"Sir, we can't do that. You have to take cash." The blond haired woman behind the counter stated.

"Fine! No small bills then." Atem growled as the woman began to put the chips in a bin.

TBC…

Next chapter: Back to Ryou and Bakura!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. If it were, I wouldn't be working for salary.

CHAPTER

FOUR

"Thanks for the desert Yami! I just love double chocolate fudge with whip cream!" Yugi said as he smiled acting like an annoying little brother. "Where are we going next?"

"YOU'RE GOING HOME!" Yami shouted at the teen. "I am on a date which means an outing with two people that you were not invited to. Now go back to the others!"

"BUT I DON'T WANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He whined as Anzu covered her ears.

Anzu knew that her Yugi was not like this one. Couldn't the kid take a hint and leave? Her Yugi was less annoying and…well…more grown up, which made her wonder why she even preferred the pharaoh over her Yugi?

Yami had summoned the Dark Magician at that moment. The purple clad magician was confused as to why he was summoned. He turned toward the former pharaoh with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Dark Magician, please escort Yugi back to where he belongs!" The former pharaoh ordered as the man looked from Yami to the teen.

Silently taking Yugi by the wrist, the Dark Magician escorted the teen home under protest, kicking and screaming like a little kid. The purple clad magician only grumbled under his breath knowing his "Dark Magician Girl" time was taken away.

"Let me gooooooooo! I can't let him have Tea!" Yugi screamed as Anzu looked at him in confusion.

"Who's Tea?" She asked Yami as he gently took a hold of her left hand and led her away from the scene.

"She is you in my universe. Yugi hardly knew her when he met her with Joey." Yami started.

"Hardly knew him? I knew Yugi since grade school." Anzu protested as she made him let go. "Why do you treat him like that? You act like he's inferior to you! The pharaoh I know doesn't treat Yugi like that!"

"I could see why! He seems to be more mature than the one I know. My Yugi is so jealous of how Tea feels about me. She even told him he was a weak little thing in Duelist Kingdom." Yami stated.

"That's cruel of her! I would never say that to him!" She felt like whacking the pharaoh across the face with her pocket book. "Who does she think she is? I am nothing like her!"

"I know you're not, and to tell you the truth, I like you all the more because of it." Yami stated. "Yes, maybe it is my fault Yugi is the way he is. Maybe I should ask my other self how he gets along with his Yugi."

"Maybe you should, you creep!" She smacked him across the face.

(I AM FIRST RATE!)

"WHO'S THE LEADER OF THE BAND THAT'S MADE FOR YOU AND MEEEEE! M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Mariku sang off key swinging Snuggles around in the back seat of the car.

"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THAT DISNEY SHIT! I am so sorry we went there!" Bakura growled as Ryo played with his Mickey Mouse ears. "I don't even think it goes like that!"

"I wanna be part of the Mickey Mouse Club!" Mariku protested. "Me and Snuggles want to be charter members!"

"How about I make you charter members of Riker's Island!" The white haired man shot back.

"Where to now?" Marik asked Ryo as he leaned over the front seat looking over his shoulder.

"I don't know. I want to go to Seattle next! Disney Land was nice and all, but I really want to go to Disney World. It's bigger and better." Ryo stated.

"I'll show you bigger and better!" Bakura growled under his breath.

"What was that?" Ryo asked.

"Nothing Bunny. Just a little pissed at the insane idiot in the back." Bakura answered.

"Don't call Snuggles an insane idiot!" Mariku protested. "There, there, Snuggles, did the big bad Bakura make you cry?"

"I wasn't referring to the bear, stupid!" The white haired thief shot back. "I really don't want to go to another wholesome Disney Fest. I might puke!"

"Aw, but Bakura, we can go on some rides that we can have some privacy on." Ryo pointed out as a smiling leer appeared on Bakura's face.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Heh. We'll desecrate that wholesome park with our lust!" The white haired thief stated as Marik rolled his eyes.

"Ugh. Please don't!" Marik stated.

"Marik, it's not like I'd really do it!" Bakura pointed out. "What the hell is in Seattle that's so great? I want to find that Dartz asshole and wipe the floor with him!"

"The Space Needle." Ryo answered. "They have a nice downtown district."

"And a Star Bucks on every corner!" Marik whooped with his fist in the air.

"I think it's a coffee shop on every corner. I don't think they are all Star Bucks!" Ryo pointed out.

"Whatever! I just want to enjoy the caffeine I was so denied when I was living underground in Egypt!" The blond stated as he looked toward the side noticing Mariku making the bear wave. "Who are you waving at?"

"The nice police officer and some kiddies and some grown ups and some drug addicts…" The insane blond answered.

"CUT IT OUT!" Marik shouted. "Act like the adult I know you are."

"Meow!" Mariku let out.

"MARIKU! CUT IT OUT!" The blond teen shouted as the insane one began to tear up. "Oh stop that! You are so not cute that way with those big eyes! Now sit there quietly for the next few hours or no ICE CREAM!"

"You can't mean that!" Mariku stated.

"Yes I do! Now shut up until we get to Seattle!" Marik shouted as Ryo sighed and Bakura cursed under his breath.

"I GOTTA GO POTTYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Mariku shouted. "So does Snuggles!"

"Someone shoot me now!" Bakura muttered.

(AM I FIRST RATE?)

Atem counted their winnings after locking the door. Yugi was busy watching television and eating the healthy food that the former pharaoh ordered for him. He had to admit the food wasn't bad, but he still craved that artery clogging burger.

"No burgers, partner! I told you they will be the death of you!" Atem stated as Yugi inwardly groaned.

The teen forgot that Atem could read his thoughts. Sighing, Yugi flipped the channel the news and almost spit out his food as he saw what was there.

"A mountain appeared off the coast of Florida today. The United States military has no idea where it came from, but archeologists think some seismic activity in the ocean made it rise. One archeologist, Professor Arthur Hawkins, thinks it has to do with the ancient City of Atlantis."

Putting the television on mute, Yugi sighed in exasperation. They were going to get caught up in the plot Anzu had written. There was no escaping this bad story arc. Turning toward his other, he noticed Atem alternating between a calculator and counting money.

"Atem, don't you think maybe we should join the others and stop this bad plot from happening?" Yugi asked.

"That's why I sent our lame selves here. If they are winning toward the end, I'll send them back and take all the glory!" The former pharaoh stated. "Or maybe I'll kill them. I just hope Bakura won't come around to screw things up!"

"If Bakura comes here, I am sure he'll help you kill them." The teen pointed out. "I wonder how they are faring right now."

"Anzu should be on cloud nine." Was all Atem said. "As long as I'm not on that cloud with her, I could care less what's going on there."

Yugi raised a brow and then shook his head as he turned his attention back toward the television set. Atem smirked on how he was going to seduce his other.

(I'M FIRST RATE SUCKA!)

'Of all the…how could have I fallen for Atem's doppelganger. Speaking of said pharaoh, I wonder where he ran off to!' Anzu growled in her mind.

"Hey! I got a post card from Atem!" Jonouchi shouted as he handed it to Anzu.

"What does it say?" She asked.

"Read it." He snickered.

"Having fun, glad you're not here! Bite me! Oh wait, I'll let YUGI DO THAT! Your script is lame and I ain't falling for it, Love and Kisses, Atem. THAT BASTARD!" She tore the post card in two as Jonouchi howled in laughter. "OH SHUT UP JONOUCHI!"

"You have to admit, this script is lame. I mean, this plot is so overused, it reeks of Gatchaman!" Otogi pointed out as he dangled the script in his hands. "I mean who the hell heard of saving the world by dueling? Puhlease! Don't tell me Dartz doesn't remind you of Berge Katze, the purple freak!"

"So I got inspired by that! So what! I thought Joe was hot in it!" Anzu shot back.

"Which version?" Snickered Jonouchi.

"The modern one of course remade in 1994! Geeze!" She shot back stamping her left foot down.

"I thought he was hot in both versions." Otogi countered as everyone stared at him. "WHAT!"

TBC…

Note: Gatchaman was a series that first started in the last seventies and lasted three seasons. It was a popular anime series that was remade in three parts in 1994. It was about the Galactor and Berge Katze was their ring leader. She/he wanted to purge the planet of humanity because he/she felt that humanity was destroying the planet. In doing that, he/she would create a new paradise and anyone that survived would become slaves. The Galactor were considered environmental terrorists. I found it similar to the Doom Arc because Dartz reminded me of Berge Katze (androgynous and I thought Dartz was a woman!) and the plot was similar and overused in animes after Gatchaman.

If you want to see Gatchaman, I recommend the 1994 three part condensed version. Not only will you get the abridged version of what it was about, you will get to see Joe Asakura in all his hot glory! ;D


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. If it did, I wouldn't be working for salary.

Warning: For all intents and purposes, the characters in this story are eighteen or over. The only one that is not is Rebecca and she is not involved in anything she shouldn't be.

FIVE

Ryo sighed as he sat down outside a coffee place as the cool air penetrated his clothing. Slowly stirring the contents of his coffee, his head being supported by his free hand, the white haired teen wondered where Bakura, Marik and Mariku were. He somewhat expected half of Seattle to sink into the ocean by now, but things were too quiet. Something was amiss.

Slowly taking a sip, the white haired teen did not expect what was to come next. Nibbling on his small coffee cake, he heard someone shouting which made him sit up and take notice. He knew the silence wouldn't last. Sighing, Ryo gulped down the rest of his coffee knowing they would have to leave soon.

(I AM FIRST RATE, IDIOT!)

"FOR THE LAST TIME, WE ARE NOT GOING TO THAT SEX SHOP!" Marik shouted at the two as Mariku's eyes welled up with tears and Bakura glowered at the Egyptian teen.

"I wanted to buy that turbo-charged vibrator for my bunny!" Bakura snapped back.

"I wanted to buy Snuggles a Playboy!" Mariku wailed.

"One, I'm not commenting on you, Bakura! Two, SNUGGLES ISN'T ALIVE YOU IDIOT! HOW THE HELL IS HE GOING TO READ A MAGAZINE!" Marik shouted at Mariku, making the insane Egyptian cower.

"Snuggles gives me great stock tips." He said in a small voice as Marik smacked his hand over his own face.

"I'm surrounded by morons." He said through gritted teeth.

Ryo approached the trio wondering why Mariku was in tears and Bakura looked like he was going to kill someone.

"Is everything okay?" He asked cautiously as Mariku burst out crying.

"MARIK PRETTY HATES MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The insane one cried out as Bakura shook his head. "HE WON'T LET ME BUY SNUGGLES A PLAY BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY!"

"It's just a fucking stuffed animal!" Marik seethed as Ryo placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Let me handle this." Ryo stated as he removed his hand from Marik's shoulder and then walked toward Mariku. "Mariku, Snuggles is too young to read that stuff. Wait until he gets a little older, okay?" 

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ryo-bunny is so smart! You're right! Snuggles is way too young!" He made the stuffed bear face him. "BAD SNUGGLES! YOU CANNOT READ PLAYBOY!"

"ONLY I GET TO CALL HIM BUNNY, YOU FUCKING LUMOUX!" Bakura shouted as Marik sighed in exasperation.

"Ryo, can you feel the IQ quotient drop?" The Egyptian teen asked him as Ryo shrugged.

"The only thing I am feeling right now is the temperature dropping." Ryo stated. "I think we should head for Chicago next."

"RYO! DON'T TELL ME THEY HAVE YOU IN THEIR HOLD! RELEASE YOURSELF! SAVE YOURSELF FROM THEIR RAMPANT STUPIDITY!" Marik implored.

"I just go with it. There is no use fighting against it. They will always be like that and they won't change!" The white haired teen stated as he walked toward their parked car.

"Snuggles wants a hot chocolate!" Mariku declared as Bakura hit him over the head with his fist.

"Your dumb bear is just a fucking stuffed animal you idiot!" The white haired maniac spat. "I am so tired of you cooing over that stupid thing!"

"SNUGGLES ISN'T STUPID! HE'S A HARVARD GRADUATE! IT SAYS ON HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE!" Mariku shouted back. "I DON'T COO!"

"Guys, Ryo is in the car waiting for us." Marik pointed out as he motioned toward their car.

"So where to next." Bakura asked as he walked toward the Egyptian teen.

"He wants to go to Chicago." He answered.

"Fine. GET IN THE CAR IDIOT AND THIS TIME OPEN THE DOOR BEFORE YOU GET IN!" He shouted toward Mariku.

"It's more fun when it's closed!" He protested.

(IF YOU'RE FIRST RATE, THEN I'M TOO SEXY FOR THIS STORY!)

'Okay, I sent Yugi out on an errand, so now that I have everything set up, he should be coming back at the appointed time, well, the time I appointed… heh.' Atem thought to himself as he lit the last candle. "Let's see, candles are lit, the strawberries are freshly washed, the whip cream is still cold and the chocolate syrup is heated up. Only thing I am waiting for is the dessert to arrive." He grinned wickedly. "Let's see, the remote has to be here somewhere so I could tape this for Anzu! She'll get the message loud and clear!"

Atem's monologue was interrupted by the door handle turning. Standing there shirtless, but in his tight leather pants, neck choker, belts and boots, he waited for his partner to open the door and be surprised.

"I'm back with the bondage video you wanted. Do you know how weird the guy looked at me when I rented it! I DO NOT want to face him when I give it back so I am just going to put it in the slot when we return it." His face was studying the DVD case while absent-mindedly turning on the lights. "Why does this place smell like it's burning down and vanilla at the same time?"

"Look up partner. You might find something you like!" Atem grinned deviously.

Yugi looked up to find Atem standing there with no shirt on. He looked around to see so many candles lit. What the hell was the pharaoh up to?

"If you wanted to invite a girl over, you should have told me to stay out longer!" Yugi gently threw the DVD in the chair beside the door. "I'm going back out." He turned toward the door and grabbed the handle.

"NO! WAIT!" Atem jumped toward his partner and grabbed his free arm. "I'm not waiting for a girl!"

"Then put the candles out before you burn the place down! Put a shirt on for crying out loud!" Yugi admonished as Atem bowed his head in defeat. "I'm taking a shower and going to bed!" He walked off.

'Am I going to have to drug him?' The former pharaoh thought to himself.

"ATEM! WHY THE HELL ARE THERE STAWBERRIES, WHIP CREAM, AND CHOCOLATE SAUCE IN THE BEDROOM!" Yugi shouted as Atem winced.

"I was hungry?" He answered back in a small voice.

(GUESS I AIN'T SO FIRST RATE)

"Oh Yugi-Darling! When are you coming out of the bathroom? I have a surprise for you!" Rebecca called out standing in front of the bathroom door.

Jonouchi, Honda and Otogi were taking bets on whether or not Yugi climbed out the bathroom window to escape the blond menace. Of course Yami and Anzu were nowhere to be found. They were taking a morning walk after apologizing to each other last night.

"Hey 'Becca, give the guy some space, would ya?" Jonouchi called from the small kitchen. "You're coming on too strong. Back off or you're going to scare every guy you come across."

"But Yugi is the only man for me!" Rebecca protested. "Me and My Yugi-Darling will get married and have lots of kids and I'll make him so happy, he'll forget about that Anzu!"

"Kiddo, you're ten years old. Aren't you getting a little head of yourself?" Otogi asked.

"Nuh-uh! I graduated college! I'm ready for marriage!" She stamped down her right foot.

"You're ten years old and he's almost seventeen. Don't you think it's a bit illegal as well as disturbing to get into a relationship with each other?" Honda asked.

"Are you three taking turns torturing me?" The blond girl demanded.

"If I wanted to torture you, I'd sing off key." Jonouchi retorted. "Leave Yugi alone, okay? I think you're getting a little out of hand."

"You're all just jealous because no girl would pay attention to you three!" She shot back as Honda and Otogi shot her a glare, but Jonouchi didn't bite.

"Little girl, don't play with the big boys, because you ain't gonna like what comes back at you!" The blond threatened as his two friends gave him a look. "If you want to preserve what ever innocence you have left, you better leave before I curse your stupid self out."

"Fine! I'll be back for Yugi later!" She stormed off.

The three watched the annoying blond girl walk out of the trailer. Honda and Otogi then turned toward Jonouchi.

"How did you do that?" Honda asked.

"She pissed me off! I'm tired of her anyway." The blond answered. "She's a smart ass and needs to be put in her place. I see what she and Anzu are up to. One is trying to see what it's like to be with Yugi and the other wants to be with Atem. The whole plot of the story revolves around that."

"You read the entire script?" Honda teased.

"Yeah you fucktard! Of course I did!" Jonouchi shot back. "It's so damn stupid! No wonder Kaiba threw it across the room!" He took a hold of the script. "In fact, I'm gonna do the same!"

"Hi guys! Is Rebecca go—OOOOF!" Yugi shouted as the said script went flying into his head.

(NOT SO FIRST RATE AM I?)

Atem sat in the bed with the bowl of strawberries and whipped cream on his lap. Alternately he squirted the chocolate sauce into his mouth wincing at the sweet taste. He sat there watching a game show, guessing every answer, shouting out how stupid the player was.

It was then that he heard the door open to the bathroom as steam rolled out. Yugi walked out with a robe on and a towel on his head. The teen stopped as his eyes met Atem's.

"Are you eating that stuff?" Yugi asked.

"Yup. Can't let it go to waste." The former pharaoh stated as the teen sat down on the edge of the bed.

"What did you really get all that for?" Yugi asked as he took a hold of a strawberry and then ate it. "You didn't exactly have time to look for a girl here and you mostly hung around me…" He trailed off as he noticed the piercing stare Atem gave him. "Um, oh…"

"Oh yes." Atem put down the bowl of fruit and then cornered his prey. "Do you know how much timing and planning went into this seduction? Do you know how long I wanted to tell you how I felt?"

"Ummm…how long?" The teen asked.

"Too fucking long! I don't give a damn if your friends and your family don't approve. I wanted to say this for a very long time so Yugi I…" It was at that moment the phone rang. "FUCK!" He shouted as he answered the phone. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!"

"I'm sensing a pattern here." Yugi said mostly to himself.

"Um, this is Yugi, you know from the other universe? Have you seen Yami and Anzu? I can't find them anywhere." A timid voice said over the phone as Atem's left eye twitched in annoyance.

"LISTEN YOU ANNOYING LITTLE BASTARD, GET THE HELL OFF THE PHONE! I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHERE YOUR YAMI OR ANZU IS AND IF YOU EVER CALL ME ON THIS LINE AGAIN, YOU'RE GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT A EUNICH REALLY IS FIRST HAND!" Atem slammed the receiver down.

Yugi's eyes were wide in shock. Atem was not acting right. Thinking up another distraction, he got up off the bed.

"Do you want to watch the bondage video I rented?" He asked as he watched the scowl turn into a lecherous grin. 'What the hell did I ask that for?'

"Oh yes! Bring that in because I have a lot of stress to get rid of! Oh, and Yugi, in the black suitcase in the living room you will find a nice little outfit for you to get into." Atem leered as the teen gulped.

"O-Okay." He walked out.

TBC…RUN YUGI RUN!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. If it was, I wouldn't be working for salary! All characters are over 18 except for the obvious Mokuba and Rebecca who are hardly in this.

SIX

"Okay guys, gather around!" Anzu announced as she waived the script in her hands. "You all know what you have to do right? We have to start this script! They want to shoot right away!"

"Are you shitting me?" Jonouchi exclaimed. "You actually want me to act this crap out! Please! Why the hell do you have three biker idiots and one effeminate villain in this? Is the villain Ryo by any chance?"

"I wouldn't put Ryo in this! He looks prettier than me!" She protested as she stomped her left foot down. "Besides, Bakura, Marik and Mariku will ruin everything and wherever Ryo is, they are!"

"Did anyone agree with me that Joe looked better in the new version of Gatchaman?" Otogi exclaimed as the rest rolled their eyes.

"Will you shut up!" They all demanded at once.

"Geeze! I only wanted to know." He huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest.

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. Yami got up to get the door with Yugi trailing behind. As he opened it, he noticed there was a post man.

"I have a special delivery for an Anzu?" He asked as Yami took the package.

"She's right here. I will make sure she gets it." He assured the man as he shut the door in his face, examining the package. "You got something from Las Vegas." He said as he handed Anzu the package.

"I wonder what it could be." She said as she ripped opened the packaging and noticed a video tape and a note inside. "Insert the tape into a VCR and watch right now."

As Honda turned off the lights, the television screen illuminated the room. On the screen was Atem's face with a very sinister grin.

"Hello Anzu dear. You are probably wondering why I am sending you a video tape. I want you to know once and for all my lack of feelings for you!" He stepped away from the camera lens and then let them all have a nice view of Yugi tied to the bed in all his glory.

"ATEM YOU BASTARD! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE TAPING THIS! TURN IT OFF!" Yugi shouted as Honda, Otogi, and Yugi turned white, Jonouchi burst out laughing and Yami watched intently with drool running down his face.

"Oh no, Yugi. You are going to learn why you should never EVER put off my advances again!" He circled his other with a riding crop in his hand and leather hugging his muscular tanned body. "You are going to learn who the Master in this relationship is!" He turned his eyes toward the camera. "Are they using a defibrillator on you yet, Anzu? If you are stronger than that, enjoy the show."

Atem began to caress his other with the tip of the riding crop, the tip moving slowly from Yugi's throat, excruciatingly slow down the center of his chest, and then Atem took it away to the frustration of his other just before his sensitive area which was hardening fast.

Anzu moved to turn it off, but found that she couldn't stop the tape. It was again that she found Atem's eyes meeting hers.

"Don't think about turning off the tape. I have ways of making it stay on just to torture you! Watch Anzu! Watch as Yugi gets the pleasure from me that you will never experience!" Atem promised as he moved his attention back to his other.

"Um, I think Atem is a bit disturbed, don't you think guys?" Honda asked as Jonouchi recovered from his fit only to see what Yugi was going through and then promptly burst out laughing again.

"Very." Otogi answered. "Although, he's very creative!" He stated as they heard a smacking sound of a riding crop hitting flesh followed by a small shout. "Wow! That's going to hurt later!"

"How much can we sell this for if we make copies?" Otogi asked.

"I don't know." Honda confessed as he noticed Yami on the phone.

"Hello? Yes, I would like a plane reservation to Las Vegas!" Yami stated as Yugi quirked an eye brow at him. "Put it on Seto Kaiba's bill. Of course I'm a good friend of his! He's my cousin! Good enough! Thank you!"

"Why are you making a plane reservation?" Yugi asked.

"I want a piece of that! I am so tired of being the goody-goody all the time! I want to do something extremely naughty!" Yami smiled deviously.

"I doubt you'll live long enough to have a piece of whatever it is you want." Yugi reminded him. "Remember he threatened to kill us?"

"Your point being?" Yami asked as Yugi thought about it.

'If he goes, I get a chance with Anzu since Atem clearly hates her and my duplicate is off the market as well!' He smiled. "Go ahead Yami! Maybe he'll compromise!"

"You're right! Sometimes you are smart, Yugi!" Yami said as he walked toward the door. "See you all around!" He ran out the door.

Yugi's smile turned into a look of total illness. He never knew Yami found that version of him remotely attractive. Shaking off the thought, he turned to the others who were watching the video. His eyes widened more as he noticed his duplicate being "slammed" by the former pharaoh. Wasn't that painful?

"FASTER! MORE! DEEPER! OH GOD!" Yugi shouted in ecstasy as the others fell over.

(I AM FIRST RATE AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!)

A few hours later, everyone woke up to a smoldering VCR. The tape had self-destructed leaving no room to make copies for sale. Otogi cried as Honda consoled him.

"Okay everyone, now that that distraction is over, let's get back to the script!" Anzu announced. "Um, where is Yami?"

(I AM VERY FIRST RATE!)

Yami wasted no time in getting to Las Vegas. After painstaking research, the duplicate pharaoh wasted no time in finding the hotel room that Atem and Yugi were staying in.

(VERY FIRST RATE!)

Atem held Yugi in their post love making bliss if anyone could call it that. The former pharaoh had divested the S and M outfit his other had worn before he had tied him to the bed. Atem had been too impatient. Oh yes, that outfit hadn't lasted a second. A smirk came to his face.

Atem had worn his other half out. Of course now, Yugi would remember this moment for the rest of his life. The former pharaoh knew HE would! He was Yugi's first and the best! There was no way in Hell he would leave his other half now. Oh, no! Atem was here to stay!

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. Growling to himself, the former pharaoh just laid there pointedly ignoring the interruption. The knock became more frantic and Atem silently cursed. If he took care of the annoyance now, he could enjoy his cuddling with Yugi for the rest of the night.

Carefully placing Yugi on the bed as to not to disturb his sleep, the former pharaoh grabbed a robe and put it around his body. Getting off the bed, Atem went into the living room part of the hotel room and made a bee-line to the door.

Opening the door, the former pharaoh came face to face with…himself? What the hell was his look a like doing here of all places?

"What the hell are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be taking my place along with that annoying interferon?" Atem demanded.

"I saw the tape and I WANT SOME OF THAT!" Yami shouted as Atem winced.

"Wouldn't that violate your contract with that stupid company you work for in the other universe?" The former pharaoh reminded him.

"I don't care! They aren't here! I want some of that!" He protested.

"If you wanted that, you have your own other half to do it with!" Atem growled menacingly as Yami backed away. "Get out of my face before I rearrange yours!"

"Me with my Yugi? Ewww!" He grimaced as Atem rolled his eyes.

"If it's so disgusting to you, why do you want to be with mine!" He demanded.

"He's different! He's confident, he's sexy!" Yami pointed out.

"He's mine and you can't have him so get lost!" Atem shouted in his face.

"Not even a tiny bit?" The other pharaoh asked in a small voice.

The only answer Yami received was a punch in the face as he was slammed into the opposite wall.

An hour later:

"Well, that box sure came in handy." Atem murmured to himself as he closed the lid and made sure there were holes at the top.

Flipping on his cell phone, the former pharaoh punched in the numbers to get rid of the box.

"Hello, Federal Distress? I need you to pick up a very large package at this address…"

(I AM SO FIRST RATE, I CAN'T STAND MYSELF!)

Bakura and Mariku were busy chasing after old ladies and scaring them. Ryo and Marik had to chase after them to stop harassing the elderly residents of Chicago. Stopping to catch their breaths, Ryo was bent over at the knees, cursing in the sanctuary of his mind, contemplating what he would do to Bakura once he got him.

"I…can't…believe…those…two…morons!" Ryo started with each pant.

"Why don't we just leave them here? I am so tired of my stupid other half!" Marik had caught his breath. "Ryo, you really should work out more. You're getting too soft!"

"It's not my fault that Bakura keeps me in bed half the time! I swear, my oversexed other half only lets me out to either go to school or go shopping! I'm lucky I got out for this when he got pissed off about that Dartz guy! I wonder what's next! Some guy that's a cross between Trieze Kushrenada and Dorothy from Gundam Wing, with a fetish for red wine! Oh, and he would have mauve hair and very long and flip it all the time like a vain ass!"

"Did you make that up?" Marik asked.

"No, I saw another script in the works by Mokuba. He wants some screen time. It's co-written by Rebecca so she can spend some time with Yugi of all people. You know it's going to be worse than the one Anzu wrote!" Ryo stated. "We all know Atem has the hots for Yugi!"

"Please don't put that image in my mind! I have Mariku disturbing me enough!" The Egyptian teen pleaded.

"Sorry." The white haired teen apologized. "I am so sick of these side stories while the manga is getting written! I mean, I'm not even in any of those because of some unspoken agreement between the original writer, the screen writers and a very jealous Anzu! I DON'T WANT THE FUCKING PHARAOH! She should be very jealous of Yugi of all people! Yeesh!"

"Maybe she's just too stupid to realize that." Marik pointed out.

"Well, she'd better realize it soon and I hope Yugi gets the pharaoh just to piss her off!" Ryo spat out bitterly.

At that moment, their insane other halves returned. The white haired teen glared at the other two while Marik slowly backed away from the angry Ryo.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO!" The white haired man shouted at the two trouble makers. "Why are you scaring old ladies! Do you know how disgusting that is!"

"But Bunny, I got you something cool!" Bakura said as he smiled in glee as he handed Ryo a wrapped gift.

"I'm almost afraid to open this." The white haired dead panned.

"Aw come on, Ryo. When did I ever give you a present you didn't like?" Bakura asked.

"Hmmmmmmmm…I suppose you're right with that." Ryo stated as he carefully opened the gift. "Oh Bakura! It's beautiful!"

In Ryo's hands was a crystal bunny. Marik quirked an eyebrow. This was out of character for the White haired thief.

"Okay, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop!" Marik stated as they heard a scream.

"STOP SNIFFING ME YOU FREAK!" A woman shouted as Mariku sniffed her long blond hair.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Herbal Essence! !"

(THIS GUY AIN'T FIRST RATE!)

"Now everyone, I want to introduce you to our four new Gary-Stu's, I mean additions." The director introduced four new men. "The three here that will be playing the biker guys and Dartz's henchmen, are Raphael, Varon and Amelda. All of them have dark angsty pasts that you may get real tired of in the middle of the series!" The director glared at Anzu. "The main Villain in this story is Dartz. He is trying to rid the world of humanity because humanity is bad. Personally I think Anzu is trying to wipe out Yugi with Humanity so she can have Atem to herself!"

"I don't think that is going to be a possibility anymore." Otogi commented as the brown haired girl hit him over the head with her script. "OW! Don't hit me! It's the truth!"

"We have thrown in Weevil and that dinosaur freak in to make this a legitimate story!" The director stated. "So let's start!"

At that moment, a Federal Distress man appeared with a big box addressed to Anzu. Yugi's eyes widened knowing what was in there.

"This for an Anzu?" He asked as the brown haired girl stepped forward.

"That's me." She announced as she signed for the package. "I wonder what Atem sent this time." She said almost afraid to find out.

The sides of the box instantly collapsed to the floor to reveal a really beaten up Yami. Anzu knelt down and pulled his head to her chest.

"Oh Yami! What did Atem do to you!" She said as Yami's eyes were half lidded.

"I didn't get a piece of anything." He looked up at Anzu. "Could I try the bondage thing with you?" He waggled his eye brows.

A resounding smack was heard as the rest of the cast winced in sympathy. Jonouchi burst out laughing again!

TBC…


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. I wouldn't be working for salary if it was.

Note: In the first part, I am parodying the "Atem's wife" fics and fandom with the 8th Sennen Item. There is one particular deviantart fandom for one that I am also parodying grouping it with all other stories I've read. I am not going to link it back because I don't want readers going after these people. I thank my cousin MystralWinds for the idea in the second paragraph. If anyone gets offended, deal with it.

If you read my other fic Marik's Insane Plot, I cracked on every fic type conceivable. Don't be surprised with this chapter.

SEVEN

She skipped. She hopped. She then walked down the corridor of the hotel. Her long blondish hair swayed behind her perfect body which fit her perfect pretty face, perfect blue eyes, and her perfect personality. Around her left wrist was a golden Egyptian bracelet. She had finally found her long lost husband at last. She would marry her pharaoh once again in one of those cheesy chapels in Las Vegas.

Courtney had out-danced Anzu in a DDR game match once. She was one of the top six duelists in Battle City (even though we don't know whether or not we could actually verify that in the manga or anime, but we can on the Nintendo Game Boy Advance version), and Courtney turned down a date with Seto Kaiba on the way up to the dueling platform in the elevator.

Oh yes! She pictured it perfectly! Atem would instantly recognize her and then fall in love with her because she was perfect and pretty and the reincarnation of his ancient wife. They would get married, he would get a great paying job, they would have lots of kids, a perfect home, and their new friends would be more important than the original characters of the Yugioh universe. What better life to live than that of a domesticated husband! It sure beat out the afterlife and running around beating evil villains! She felt her friends were much more interesting than Atemu's current friends. After all, her friends were with her and Atemu in ancient Egypt and not the others. Smiling to herself, she finally closed in on the door to her future and knocked a few times.

The door opened as her smile grew. Before her stood the God of her dreams with the body to match. The only problem was her perfect vision went perfectly down the toilet. Her smile fell as she noticed the scowl on her husband's face.

"Who the hell are you and what the hell do you want!" He demanded.

"M-My name is Courtney and I am your long lost wife." She stammered, her confidence slipping fast.

"My long lost wife? What are you!" He demanded. "You are the 100th one to approach me with this bogus story!"

"Um, I'm the creation of a fic writer. Since this is her fantasy, could you oblige me?" She asked timidly. "I have a Millennium Item to prove it!" She displayed the bracelet proudly.

"FUCK NO! I have my real life fantasy lying in my bed, so if you'll excuse me, I have to go and remind my fantasy why I'm the Master!" He slammed the door in her face. "THERE IS NO 8th MILLENNIUM ITEM!" He shouted as an afterthought as Courtney burst into tears.

"Who was at the door?" Yugi asked as Atem crawled onto the bed on his hands and knees towering over his partner.

"The 100th so called original character claiming to be my wife with a bogus Millennium Item. Funny thing is, I don't think I was ever married and if I was, it had better have been you in a previous incarnation." Atem stated as he smiled deviously. "So my little pet, where did we leave off?"

(BLINDSHIPPING IS FIRST RATE!)

Yami found himself facing Raphael in a duel in some desert on some kind of rock formation that was a circle. Why was this in the script? Oh yeah! He was to get angry, sacrifice Yugi (much to his delight) and then go on a search for the main villain. Sounded like a video game. Duel until you get to the boss level.

So the duel went on, yada yada, and then Yugi tried to stop Yami from using the Seal of Oricalcos.

"I won't let you use it! It's evil!" Yugi protested holding his other's right arm with the card in his fingers.

"Your point being?" He asked as he yanked his arm out of his partner's grasp. "At least I'll make this look cool!" He said as he slapped the card in the field spell slot.

"YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!" Yugi shouted as the field spell took effect and the Seal pushed Yugi inside the Puzzle. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"FINALLY! I GOT RID OF HIM! YES!" Yami smirked as he heard himself only speak. "Now! I'm going to finish this!"

The duel went on and on and finally, the smart ass former pharaoh lost because his cards got mad at him for not only screwing Yugi over, but at Anzu for making up this stupid plot! They vowed that if they ever saw Anzu again, they would haunt her dreams and make them terrible nightmares. Yugi had broken through the Seal within the puzzle in order to reach Yami.

So the Seal closed in on Yami and Yugi stood in the center with him. The green light covered them both as they faced each other.

"The seal only needs one of us." Yugi reminded him.

"Yes, I know. Since I'm the main character and the one that can make things right, I'll let it take your stupid self!" Yami stated as he pushed Yugi into the beam of light. "I'll get you later!"

"YOU BASTARD!" He shouted as he disappeared.

Yami collapsed after the beam of light disappeared. He had to at least pretend the duel affected him in some way. He heard the hulking blond approach him and then pick up for the former pharaoh as if he were a sack of potatoes. Yami felt his bangs stir as a helicopter quickly approached. He felt himself being swept away and then dropped somewhere hitting the ground hard.

"Yugi! Are you okay?" Jonouchi approached Yami as the former pharaoh slowly got on his knees.

"I can't believe I lost that duel." Yami growled.

"You lost? You're still here though." Honda reminded him.

"No. I'm here, but Yugi is gone. Why did it have to be him! WHY! WHY!" He banged his fists on the ground. 'I should get an Oscar for this!' He giggled insanely inside. "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!"

"I totally agree with you, but the script says otherwise!" Jonouchi shot at him as he kicked him in the side making the former pharaoh scream.

(YAMI-YOU AREN'T FIRST RATE! YOU'RE AN ASS!)

"The cow goes MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Mariku shouted with his head stuck outside the window.

The crazy Egyptian had his tongue hanging out like a dog scaring half the drivers on the road. Marik, Bakura and Ryo just ignored his antics. Mariku managed to make cars speed away in a hurry, a few fender benders and scarring children and adults for life.

"We should be near New York soon." Ryo stated. "I want to see a Broadway Show."

"But Bunny, I don't think we'll be able to get tickets at the last minute." Bakura tried to reason with Ryo.

"Bakura baby, I want to see a Broadway show." The white haired teen tried to put on his best pout.

"As I said Bunny, I don't think…" He started as Ryo cut in.

"I WANT TO SEE A BROADWAY SHOW! WOULD IT HURT FOR ALL OF YOU TO HAVE A LITTLE CULTURE IN YOUR LIVES!" He shouted as Marik covered his ears.

"Believe me, there is no culture in this car." Marik shot back as he glanced toward Mariku. "WILL YOU GET YOUR FUCKING BIG ASS HEAD BACK IN THIS CAR!"

"But Marik-pretty! There's so much to see out there!" Mariku stated as Marik rolled his eyes. "There are cars, Dairy Queen, McDonalds, Burger King, rest stops, people, cute little doggies…"

Marik did the only thing he could think of doing. He grabbed the psycho by the back of his pants and then pulled him back in making him sit down. Blinking wildly, Mariku turned to his other and wondered what was going on.

"What happened to the outside?" Mariku asked.

"You're in the car, idiot!" Marik answered.

"Oooooooooooooooh." He looked beside him noticing Snuggles reading a book. "OOOO! Snuggles is reading!"

"Snuggles has been reading the same page you set up for him two hours ago!" The Egyptian teen pointed out. "When you will accept that Snuggles is just a stuffed animal!"

"But he's smart! He has to keep reading the same page in order to comprehend what its saying!" The blond psycho protested.

"He's fucking stupid if he has to read the same page over and over again!" Marik shot back.

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT THE HELL UP! DO NOT MAKE ME COME BACK THERE!" Bakura shouted as Ryo snickered at his other's antics.

"He started it!" Mariku pouted as he crossed his arms over his chest.

(OKAY, SO THAT SCENE WAS NOT SO FIRST RATE!)

"WHERE IS MY YUGI DARLING!" Rebecca shouted at Yami who could only flinch at the screeching voice. "You did this!" She pointed an accusing finger at Anzu. "You and your stupid plot! Oh, I am so confused, I don't know who I want so I'll write Yugi out of the script and spend time with the pharaoh so I can make up my mind who I want to love!" She mimicked Anzu's voice. "YOU'RE A BITCH!" She stomped off.

"Out of the mouths of babes." Jonouchi muttered to himself as he glanced toward Yami. 'Jerk isn't even broken up that Yugi is gone. If it were Atem, he would be frantic.'

"Isn't this the scene where we contact Kaiba and ask for a ride to Florida?" Honda reminded everyone. "One of you is going to have to make the payment for us." He glanced over at his blond best friend. "Hey Jonouchi, how about you?"

"Do I look like I have money, you asshole!" The blond shot back at him.

"No, but I bet if we set you and Kaiba up, he'd do anything for us." He snickered as Jonouchi turned red.

"I AM SO NOT GOING FOR THAT PLAN! I HATE THE PRICK!" Jonouchi shouted as Anzu cringed at the thought of him and Kaiba together. "Besides, he stood me up the last time." He muttered to himself.

"Why are men involved with each other here? First it's my evil self with Yugi, and now you and Kaiba? Are you all insane?" Yami asked.

"Well geeze, coming from a CENSORED universe, I doubt your closed mind would comprehend anything like that! Oh no! We might corrupt the minds of innocent kids who curse up a blue streak in school! Get a life, will ya!" The blond spat at him. "By the way shit head, where did you disappear to for a while!"

"Um, remember that video with Yugi and Atem?" He asked in a small voice.

"Yes. Now I'm traumatized for life even though I laughed my ass off! Thank God it self-destructed!" He spat back.

"Well, I sorta went to Las Vegas and demanded to have a piece of Yugi." He closed his eyes in a wince.

"Oh! So that's why you wound up in a box! Atem needs to get more creative than that!" Jonouchi stated. "So mister hypocrite had to have a piece of a guy and you're criticizing us?"

"Remember I smacked him?" Anzu stated as she had her hands on her hips. "Okay guys! Now we have to contact Kaiba! To the laptop! Oh, and Yami, at least act like you miss Yugi!" She huffed as she walked away.

(LAPTOPS ARE FIRST RATE-ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE SONY VAIOS!)

"I am so not doing this scene! This is stupid! I walked out; therefore, I am not obligated to do this stupid scene! This story sucks! I could have written a better one about me opening a school for dueling with three houses like Harry Potter!" He yelled at the directors.

"That is really stupid!" One of the directors pointed out. "Who the hell would watch a show where people go to school to duel? If you're trying to ride the Harry Potter Gravy Train, forget it! It won't work!"

"Oh! It will work, because I'll make sure it works. That freak Yugi Mutou will not be in it! It'll be my show exclusively!" He laughed insanely.

"Big brother, it's lame." Mokuba dead-panned. "Even I wouldn't produce it."

"First, there will be three houses! The best being Obelisk because it was my card to begin with before I lost it to the pharaoh. Only the best will be there. Then there will be Ra Yellow. Those are for good duelists that are ready to advance to Obelisk Blue and then the last house is Slifer Red because those are the beginners who couldn't duel their way out of a paper bag!" Seto visualized all this. "The academy will be on an island and I will have nothing but really strange teachers teach the kids dueling because there is no sane adult that would do the job! The cafeteria will serve crap just like the public schools!"

"Now you're really going overboard!" His little brother pointed out. "I think he needs his medication again!"

At that moment, Seto's laptop beeped. Pressing a button, the CEO immediately cringed at the site of a big face in the screen.

"GOOD GOD! THERE'S AN ALIEN ON MY SCREEN!" Seto shouted as Mokuba raised a brow.

"Jonouchi, it works better if you just pull back from the camera!" The small pre-teen pointed out.

"Oh!" He said as he sat down on the chair. "Hey Kaiba! We need to ask you a favor."

"Oh? A favor! What makes you think I would do any favors for the likes of you idiots! I already said no to the stupid script! I don't want any part of this!" He noticed Yami in the background depressed. "What's wrong with Yugi! Lost his best friend or something?"

"Lost a duel." Jonouchi accidentally let out…yeah right.

"WHAT!" He shouted as he stood up. "HOW DARE HE LOSE THE TITLE LIKE THAT! ONLY I AM ALLOWED TO TAKE THAT FROM HIM!"

"Um Kaiba, have you ever considered that's there more to life than being the King of Duelists!" Anzu demanded.

"Like what!" Seto demanded.

"Like buying a real life." Mokuba deadpanned.

"Shut up Mokuba!" The teen snarled as he turned back toward the screen. "What do you idiots want now that I'm really pissed off!"

"We need a plane ride to Florida." Honda pointed out.

"Why don't you just whore out Anzu to pay for your tickets there! I'm not helping you!" He shouted at them. "She's the one who came up with this stupid insane plot that's not even part of the original manga! Let me guess…there's no money in the budget is there!"

"No." Anzu answered.

"Figures." He said.

"How about we offer you Jonouchi for one night!" Honda suggested as Jonouchi fell over onto the floor.

"I'm not playing "Indecent Proposal" with you morons! What makes you think I would want to spend one night with Jonouchi! I don't do guys!" Seto pointed out.

"Sure you don't! You did ask him out once, didn't you?" The brown haired male asked.

"As a joke to get him back for being a loser!" Seto spat back as he heard Jonouchi growl. "That's it! Growl like the dog you are!"

"FUCK YOU, KAIBA!" He shouted as the screen.

"Not on your best day! Good bye!" The screen went blank.

"Shit! Now what do we do!" Otogi asked.

"I guess we find an alternate way to get there?" Anzu asked.

"How about a plot hole! Anyone got a box of those?" Honda asked.

Sigh…To be continued.

More to come!


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. If it was, I wouldn't be working for salary.

EIGHT

Ryo managed to get tickets to CATS and he wondered if it was really a good idea. He turned from the box office and noticed that Bakura had Mariku in a head lock and Marik cheering him on. Snuggles was on the ground forgotten.

"What is going on here! Can I leave you all alone for one minute without getting into some kind of trouble?" Ryo demanded as they all froze. "YOU ALL HATE ME!" He shouted as his eyes glared daggers at them.

"But bunny, Mariku was acting like an idiot!" Bakura tried to reason with him.

"Yeah! He thought Snuggles was psychic so he wanted to go to the Today Show and show them!" Marik concluded for Bakura.

"Why don't we go on Jerry Springer so I can complain how much my life sucks having the three of you in it sometimes!" The white haired teen shouted at them. "JUST FOR ONCE CAN YOU THREE BEHAVE NORMALLY!"

"Can we take a vote?" Mariku asked.

"SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!" Marik shouted at him as Bakura squeezed tighter making Mariku gasp. "Come on you two; let's behave for Ryo's sake, okay? After all, in the end, we have to go after some idiot who claims to be part of the Yugioh universe, remember?" He reminded them.

"Oh yeah." Bakura finally let go of the insane Egyptian who took in deep gulps of air. "We have to continue our eventual trip to Florida so we can go after Dartz and castrate the shit head and then do something sinister to Anzu after!" He grinned insanely with one fist clenched.

"No one is getting castrated!" Ryo pointed out as he stomped his right foot. "Now let's go watch Cats before I lose my temper!" He seethed as he walked toward the entrance.

"What's Cats?" Mariku asked as he picked up Snuggles.

"A play. Now come on before insane boy does something to us." Marik took his hand and dragged him inside.

(RYO IS REALLY INSANE)

"This is the deal, if I win, you give me all the credit that I deserve in not only creating your bike, but to give me back my damn Star Dust Dragon! If you win, I go away peacefully!" Yusei started as Jack stood there in all his arrogant glory thinking over the black and yellow haired man's proposal.

"Okay! If you think you could dominate me, then I'll give you what you want! Do you think you have the guts?" Jack asked with a sly smile.

"You're damn right I do! You used to be my friend, but no! You have to go on your own and act like that arrogant prick Seto Kaiba! You forgot who built your bike and you take all the credit!" He shouted.

"ALLRIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!" A voice shouted as the two froze. "Who the hell made this a Yugioh 5D's fic! I wrote First Rate Villain and and…oh! You two are hot!" Anzu started as she drooled.

"We were about to see who could dominate who, so GET LOST!" Yusei shouted at her. "What the hell is First Rate Villain? You stepped on our set so we're doing a little experiment to see if we could attract the yaoi fan girls!"

"First Rate Villain? Oh! Um, uh, I guess it's about my feelings for the pharaoh and Yugi and I can't decide on who." Anzu confessed.

"I think they might be doing each other right now the last we heard, so why don't you be a good girl and go away?" Jack demanded as he stripped himself of his Kaibesque coat. "So where did we leave off?" He smirked as he approached Yusei.

"Why are all the nice looking ones gay?" She groaned as she walked off the set.

"JACK YOU BASTARD!" Yusei shouted as Anzu winced.

(WATCH 5D'S ON YOU TUBE! IT'S GOOD!)

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU LET SOME DUMB ASS SHOW CALLED 5D'S BE CREATED! Oh. Well…since you put it that way…I know you created all of us, but um, isn't this sorta beating a dead horse with cards?" Atem asked as Yugi waited for him to hang up with Takahashi-sensei. "I WANNA BE IN IT SO I CAN KICK JACK'S ASS! It's not enough to beat Kaiba, but can't I beat him also? Okay, I'll be good. Yes, I'm treating Yugi fine. No, there is no evidence of that tape left. Okay, love you too. Bye." He hung up the phone.

"So what happened? How did he track us down here?" Yugi asked.

"Anzu complained to him and he found out about the tape." He said as Yugi's eyes widened. "He doesn't care about that. He just wants us to return to the story even though it's lame. Oh, and he doesn't want us in 5Ds, but USHIO GETS TO BE IN IT!"

"Ushio? Why him? He was just a minor character!" Yugi protested. "I wanna be in it too! I want to ride a motorcycle!"

"Yugi, you can't even reach the pedals. How are you going to ride it?" Atem demanded.

"I'll have Jonouchi ride it while I duel!" He answered as the former pharaoh rolled his eyes. "What! How can I duel and drive at the same time!"

"Jonouchi will crash it! You're better off asking Marik!" Atem stated as he stripped off his shirt. "I'm taking a shower! Care to join?" He smirked as it was Yugi's turn to roll his eyes.

"Sure! This time DON'T TAPE IT!" The teen scolded.

"Oh, I won't!" The former pharaoh chuckled to himself.

(ATEM WILL NOT BE FIRST RATE WHEN YUGI FINDS OUT!)

"So you're telling me they created this new show because GX tanked called 5D's?" Jonouchi asked as they sat around the table in the large camper. "You saw the main characters?" 

"Yes. They're like Atem and Kaiba! Clash of the ego's!" Anzu snorted. "You know Jonouchi, I am beginning to think that my story was a bad idea. I mean it was a good idea at the time, but it's lame. It's unrealistic! At least the main story is a bit realistic. I mean what does Atlantis have to do with finding the pharaoh's memories? Atemu isn't even here! He's in Las Vegas with Yugi for crying out loud! I'm just waiting for the next tape to arrive."

"Not that." Another voice interrupted them. "I so don't want to see them having sex again!" Honda protested as he sat down with them.

"Hell, I do." Yami grumbled as he drank down the coffee all at once and then slammed it down. "Another cup black and strong please!"

"Get it yourself!" Rebecca whacked him on the back of the head. "No one here is at your beck and call!" She sat down next to Anzu. "Any way, why are you so bitchy today!"

"It's so silent in my head." The spirit stated as his head hit the table.

"You mean you're not having thoughts about how much in love with yourself you are?" Rebecca shot back.

"No. I miss my Yugi." He confessed. "I always thought that if I got rid of that annoying little runt, my life would be better, but it's not." Yami looked up at the others. "I never could do anything adult because he, Tea, Joey, and Tristan would want to do the right clean thing. I wanted to send them all to the shadow realm they were so annoying! Such geeks! Kaiba was right!"

"The clean thing? What the hell is that?" Jonouchi demanded. "Goody two shoes syndrome or something?"

"Something like that." Yami stated as he got up from the table. "We need to find out how to get Yugi and everyone else back."

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. Yami walked over to the door and opened it to find a Federal Distress man there. He handed a package to the former pharaoh and then made him sign a paper. Closing the door, Yami handed the package that was addressed to Anzu.

"Atem sent me another package?" She asked as she ripped it opened. "I am almost afraid to see what this is!" She said she as a video tape dropped out into her hands. "Not again…" Anzu sighed as Yami took it from her. "HEY!"

"You can sit here! I'm going to go watch it!" He ran to the newly bought television set and then placed the tape into the new VCR. "I wonder what they did this time!" He smiled widely as a scene of the bathroom appeared with a shower dead center.

"Hello Anzu, I hope you're watching this! I just wanted to remind you how much Yugi belongs to me. He doesn't know that this tape even exists so enjoy the show!" Atem walked away from the camera as Yugi walked in in all his naked glory. "Why partner, have you been working out?"

"Oh cut the crap, Atem, and let's just take a shower!" Yugi growled in annoyance as he stepped into the shower stall with Atem following behind.

Yami's eyes widened as his dimensional twin got Yugi hot and bothered to the point they were having angry sex. He could not believe the obscenities coming from the innocent one! Yami's jaw dropped and his pants tightened. He wondered if he could get his Yugi to do that.

(HARD ONS ARE FIRST RATE!)

Ryo sat down with Bakura at his side. Marik and Mariku were on the other side of the former Tomb Robber bickering about the arm rest between them. Bakura was ready to punch them both out if they did not shut up!

Mariku shared a tub of popcorn with Snuggles. The bear even had his own soda. Marik wanted to seriously bang his head against the front seat in annoyance at the insane display.

The theatre became dark and Mariku's eyes widened in anticipation. The theatre curtain opened and there stood a beautiful cat. A female cat began to sing and Mariku began to jump in his seat. Marik put his hand on the insane idiot's shoulder and made him sit still.

"Act like an adult and not a child!" He hissed as Mariku pouted.

"I like the pretty kitty!" Mariku grumbled.

"It's not a real cat, idiot! It's a person in a cat costume!" Marik hissed as Ryo's left eye began to twitch in annoyance.

Bakura noticed his bunny was getting agitated with the two Egyptians and damn it, he wanted some tonight! A happy bunny was a horny bunny!

"Will you two shut the hell up before my bunny goes ballistic!" Bakura demanded in a whisper. "If you don't, I promise a lot of pain in your future!"

Marik and Mariku quickly sat back and watched the show in fear of Bakura carrying out his threat. They knew the pain the ex-tomb robber could inflict and it was not pretty!

Ten minutes into the show…

Mariku became hyper again. This time there were a lot of cats on stage and he had the strongest urge to pet the pretty kitties!

"!" He kept chanting as his eyes became huge again.

"Shut up!" hissed Marik as Bakura glared at the two and showed him his knife. "Hey! It's not my fault he's a moron!"

"You created him, therefore, it's your fucking fault, psycho!" Bakura hissed back.

"It's like the pot calling the kettle black!" Marik barked back.

"Did you make that lame line up yourself! It's so old, my dick is shriveling up in horror!" The white haired thief shot back as Ryo groaned in dread knowing what was coming next.

'I can never have a good time by myself. Maybe I should hang out with Yugi more often when he's not pinned under Atemu!' He thought to himself.

"Oh really? You mean after three thousand years it's finally happened?" The Egyptian laughed harshly. "Even the pharaoh has more stamina than you!"

"YOU BASTARD!" Bakura lunged for Marik as Mariku quickly stood up.

"KITTIES!" He ran toward the stage as Ryo sank down in his seat and began to silently cry.

As the audience stayed out of the way of the two psychos fighting each other, the cast members were scrambling to get away from the insane idiot trying to pet them.

"Oh come on! Don't any of you want to be pet?" Mariku asked with tears in his eyes.

"I do." A male voice got his attention making Mariku recoil from the old man.

"No thanks. Mariku has his limits and right now and I am going to hurl." He said as he turned his back on the old man with his right hand on his stomach heading back toward his seat.

(PERVERTED OLD MEN ARE NOT FIRST RATE-SO SAYS MARIKU)

"When are we going to be in this lousy story! It's been nine chapters and we're not in it yet! Isn't anyone interested in us yet?" Dartz demanded as his three biker henchman just stood there bored. "Are any of you paying attention to me?"

"Huh?" Valon asked. "What did you say?"

"You three are hopeless!" Dartz huffed as he turned toward some viewer out of no where and tuned into the channel where Atemu and Yugi were currently having sex.

"DAMN IT ATEMU! I'm not going to be able to sit!" Yugi shouted.

"Who put a camera in their hotel room!" Dartz demanded.

"You said you wanted to keep a tab on the pharaoh." Raphael reminded him.

"He's either gambling or screwing his other self senseless! Have they no shame?" He demanded.

"No! We have no shame! Would you please switch to another damn channel!" Atemu demanded after hearing them. "Geeze! We can hear you over here you know!"

Dartz quickly changed the channel to Anzu brooding over the script and Rebecca on her laptop. His mood changed to boredom.

"Do we get any movie channels on this thing?" He demanded as the three shrugged their shoulders. "Who the hell is our cable provider!"

"Cable?" Asked Valon. "I just had a satellite dish installed so we can watch our enemies."

"I AM SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!" Dartz shouted as he threw the remote on the floor.

TBC

Yugi: ATEMU! ENOUGH!

Atemu: Oh but Yugi, I love your GX appeal. Remember that episode you confront that stupid looking kid and you look all buff?

Yugi: Oh, so you love me for my body!

Author: Guys, take this up in the next chapter before I run out of material.

Yugi: Oh! Excuse me? I didn't know you were running out of material! Here's material for you! How about Atemu screwing Anzu for once so I can have a break!

Atemu: Partner! I would rather screw a light socket!

Yugi: Even better! Then you'll be hospitalized for a little while!

Author: To be continued… (before things get out of hand).

Forgive me for the GX and 5Ds reference. This was written in 2008. The rest of this after chapter nine will be new.


	10. Chapter 10Of Horn Dogs and Angry Birds

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. Angry Birds belongs to Rovio.

NINE

"Just for once I wanted a little culture in my life. I always dreamed of seeing a Broadway show. Do you know that my father never wanted to go to one because he felt it was too "girly?" No. I had to wait until I was older and now that I finally have the money and the chance, YOU THREE MORONS WRECKED MY LIFE'S DREAM!" Ryou shouted at the three Egyptians making them cringe.

"But Bunnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Bakura practically whined as Marik covered his ears.

"Don't "but bunny" me! That is not going to work this time! Why can't you three just behave for once! Why can't you three be more like…" Ryou started as Bakura's eyes widened.

"Don't say the "A" word! I don't want to hear his name coming from your mouth!" Bakura pleaded.

"ATEMU! WHY CAN'T YOU THREE BE MORE LIKE HIM! I BET HE'S CULTURED AND CLASSY!" Ryou shouted at them.

"He's as cultured as a horn dog! Pharaohs didn't necessarily have class you know!" Marik argued as Mariku agreed shaking his head furiously.

"What Marik Pretty says." He agreed pointing at the Egyptian teen.

"Ryou, we could try to see it again if you want." Bakura suggested trying to make his "bunny" happy.

"Oh, I would, BUT WE'VE BANNED FROM BROADWAY FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!" Ryou shouted in anger. "Let's get to the car and get this bullshit plot concocted by Anzu over with!" The white haired one stormed to the car. "AND WE'RE STOPPING AT THE SOUTH OF THE BORDER!" He commanded.

"Oh, no! Come on! Have some mercy! Pedro isn't there! It's just a tourist trap!" Bakura begged as he followed Ryou to the car.

"Oh yeah? Well that is your punishment for ruining my chances of seeing Cats, so get over it!" Ryou shot back as he got into the passenger side of the car.

"Who's Pedro?" Mariku asked.

"Just get inside, stupid!" Marik growled at his psychotic other as he got into the car in the back. "AND DON'T STICK YOUR HEAD OUT THE WINDOW! We don't need to scar the children for life!"

"But I like sticking my head out the window." Mariku whined. "Snuggles does it!"

"If I threw Snuggles off a building, would you follow?" Marik demanded.

"Probably." Mariku said in a small voice.

"Then you are truly an idiot!" Marik sighed as Bakura started up the car and drove away.

(RYOU IS NOT SO HAPPY)

Yugi had to take drastic measures for the sake of his sanity and for the sake of his physical well being as well as the preservation of his posterior. Locking Atemu in the closet for a while seemed like a good idea.

Yugi leaned against the closet door as Atemu continued to bang on the door, begging to be let out. Yugi had tuned him out after fifteen minutes. No amount of begging fazed him.

"Come on partner! Let me out! I promise I won't keep trying to get in your pants!" Atemu begged and pleaded as he kept banging on the door.

"Sure you won't." Came the bored reply from Yugi's lips as eyes began to droop. "When you calm down a bit, maybe I'll let you out."

"I'll run out of air!" Atemu protested.

"No you won't." Yugi countered. "Anyway, the lack of oxygen wouldn't hurt your brain anyway! I swear, pharaoh, you mostly think with your other head sometimes!"

"What do you want! When I look at you, the blood rushes down there!" The former pharaoh argued.

"How romantic." Yugi groused in sarcasm.

"To me, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on. You are the other half of my soul. My reason for being." Atemu pleaded.

"You're so full of shit!" Yugi shouted back turning his head toward the closet door. "In the first story, you thought I was the most annoying creature alive and you wanted Ryou after a while! I guess I wasn't enough then!"

"But I changed my mind in the next one when you were choosing between ice cream and sex!" Atemu countered. "How many times have we done it so Anzu would get the message?"

"How many bunnies did you, Marik, and Bakura gathered for that yaoi fan club?" Yugi asked very curious on how the three of them pulled that off.

"Oh, about 1,000. We paid someone to gather them all." Atemu reminisced. "But, I mean it. I've changed. I really really care about you and I lo-lo-."

"Uh huh?" Yugi urged him to continue.

"I-I…" The pharaoh tried to find the right words.

"Yes?" The nineteen year old was growing impatient.

"I love you okay? If that other fucking pharaoh duplicate of mine ever tried to touch you, I'd break his scrawny ass in half!" Atemu growled.

"That's some confession." Yugi sighed as he smiled. "If I let you out, will you promise not to pounce on me?"

"Yes!" Atemu said without hesitance.

Yugi slowly got off the floor and then unlocked the door, slowly turned the door knob, and then opened the door to be faced with a smiling pharaoh. Yugi's amethyst eyes warmed to the site of those loving crimson eyes, but widened in shock when Atemu tackled him to the bed snuggling into his warmth.

"Atemu!" Yugi scolded. "What did I tell you!"

"You didn't say anything about cuddling!" The former pharaoh grinned deviously.

"Wonderful…"

(FORMER PHARAOHS ARE FIRST RATE)

Looking over the script, Jonouchi wanted to spit. The script still read like a bad fanfic no matter how he read it. The blond wondered why Anzu had to have everyone tell their sob story before or during a duel. Who cares! Everyone had their own battles to fight, their own soul scars, and besides, life was not fair and Jonouchi knew that first hand! The only thing the blond duelist could think of was telling them to get over themselves.

"Anzu, you really need to learn how to write. Why does every duelist including Insector Haga have an incredibly stupid sob story on why they duel?" Katsuya demanded as he slammed the script down on the table making everyone jump.

"It adds some drama to the story and some depth." She defended herself.

"It makes the viewers want to hurl! By the time you get to the fourth or fifth story, you want to kill someone or destroy something! I duel because I lost my family! I duel because I got arrested and I am pissed off at the world! I duel because I lost my brother! I duel because I am a sore loser and a whiny bitch! Come on now! These are the worst characters ever created that rival Gary Stus! Give them better reasons!" Jonouchi shouted at her.

"Oh? And how about Marik and his tragic past!" Anzu shot back.

"At least he wasn't a fucking whiny bitch about it! He had a reason, he had a purpose, and Marik's dark side was one nasty son of a bitch! At least he was someone to be reckoned with! These guys I could toss in front of a train anytime without breaking a sweat!" Jonouchi shouted making Anzu sit back down. "And don't even go into Bakura's character. At least he had a purpose also!"

"Fine, you win! You're right! I should have just focused on me and the pharaoh." She sighed.

"You want to talk about Mary Sues?" Jonouchi reminded her.

"Then what do you want from me! They wanted a story and I volunteered!" She shouted in an exasperated tone as everyone in the camper watched the quarrel match between the two.

"Lunch is ready!" Rebecca sang as she broke the tension between the two. "Sooooooooooooo what did you accomplish?"

"Absolutely nothing!" Jonouchi answered as Yami walked into the main part of the camper. "The script still sucks and we're not getting anywhere right now! I am going to call Kaiba!" The blond walked out of the room.

"Why would he do that?" Yami asked as he turned toward Anzu.

"And where have you been?" The brunette female demanded. "We haven't heard from you since you got that DVD!"

"Do you know what you are missing out on?" Yami demanded. "You favor him, but do you know how good Yugi looks?"

"No one says that I couldn't have both now, did they?" Anzu smirked as Yami gulped.

"Could you do that with me and Yugi then?" He smiled deviously and waggled his eyebrows.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" A slap was heard as everyone winced.

(GO ANZU!)

A squawk and a weeee were heard as they pushed a package to the giant door of Dartz's temple. Snickering could be heard from the third party as they finished pushing the package toward the entrance. One of the unusual creatures stepped back as a sling shot appeared out of nowhere. Slinging his body back, the red bird hit the doorbell and then fell to the floor dazed. The other two birds wondered if their cardinal comrade was okay. But they could worry about that later as the door opened.

The messengers scattered so they would not be seen. The person at the door looked around for anyone who would be playing a prank, but found no one there save a nicely wrapped gift box below him. Rafael picked up the box and closed the door behind him, curious as to who the sender was.

"Hey boss, there was a gift box left for you outside." Rafael examined the package looking for a message. "But there is no clue as to who the sender is."

"Just give me the damn box. Maybe I'll know when I open it." Dartz grabbed the gift box out of Rafael's hands and then noticed an envelope on the side. "You didn't see the envelope on the side?"

"No! It must have blended in." Rafael stated as Dartz opened the envelope and took out the card inside.

Dartz's eyebrows raised in surprise. Why would his enemy send him a gift? It had to be a trap! That was it! It had to be some sort of trick to stop his plans from world domination!

_Dear Filler Villain:_

_ This is a little welcome gift for you to enjoy while it lasts. Hopefully I won't see you by the time this stupid filler arc ends! Have a nice life and go fuck yourself!_

_ Love and Kisses,_

_ Pharaoh Atemu_

Dartz was a bit leery of opening the gift, but his curiosity got the better of him. Slowly undoing the red ribbon, Dartz watched as the box just fell opened to reveal a black round bird. The bird began to suspiciously glow red with an angry expression on its face.

"Oh shi-." He began as he never got to finish his sentence.

" BOOOM!" The bird exploded right in his face.

As the smoke cleared, Rafael noticed the smoke on his boss's face and his long aqua hair in burnt up disarray. The muscle bound henchman approached his leader cautiously wondering what if he was okay.

"Dartz sir?" Rafael asked as his leader faced him with a dazed expression. "Are you okay?"

"Call my plastic surgeon and my hair stylist." Was all he said before he passed out.

TBC…


End file.
